No be say you no care na why you forget. You forget because to remember, by itself, na work — and dem ask you make you do am while you dey do eleven other things.
NIMH list difficulty to dey "keeping on task, or staying organized" among the inattention difficulty wey people dey describe. The practical shape of am, day by day, na this: the thing dey your head, another thing come, the first thing comot.
Two different kind of forgetting
E dey help to separate dem, because different fix dey for each one.
To forget wetin dem tell you. Person give you three instruction; by the third one, the first one don lost. This one na about to hold information while another thing dey happen.
To forget wetin you plan. You truly mean to send that message. You think about am two times. You no send am. This one na about whether intention go survive the gap between to decide and to do — and na this one people dey judge pass, because from outside e dey look like choice.
Na the second kind dey spoil relationship, and na im external reminder dey fix pass.
Stop to dey try remember. Build place wey go remember for you.
The strategy no be to try harder. Na to accept say your head na bad storage but good processor, and to move the storage go another place.
Three rules dey wey dey make the difference between reminder system wey dey work and one wey you go abandon for one week.
1. Capture must take less than five seconds
If to write something down dey take effort, you no go do am for the exact moment wey you need am pass. One place. Always the same place. Note app for the phone home screen, voice note to yourself, small notebook for the same pocket every day. No be four places — one.
The test: you fit capture thought while you stand up, while you hold bag, for bad light? If you no fit, make am simpler.
2. Tie the reminder to cue, no be to feeling
"I go remember to take am tomorrow" dey fail. "When I carry my key, I carry the envelope" dey work, because key dey actually happen, "tomorrow" no dey.
Na the if-then structure be this again. Meta-analysis of 29 experimental studies for people wey get mental-health difficulty find big effect on goal attainment from exactly this kind of exact if-then plan. No be ADHD study, so take am as general technique wey get strong support — but e free, and e dey take ten seconds.
Three kind cue dey work well:
- Time, but only with alarm attached. Time wey you just plan no be cue.
- Place. "When I reach the gate" — put the thing physically for the gate.
- Routine wey already dey. "After I brush my teeth." You dey already do am, so e dey already fire.
3. The reminder must dey for your road
Note inside notebook wey you dey open two times a week no be reminder, na diary. Put the thing where your body go jam am: the envelope on top your shoe, the bag hang for door handle, the tablet near the kettle.
This one dey feel rough. Na why e dey work. You no dey depend on memory at all — you dey arrange the world so that the memory no even necessary.
Short list wey cover most of am
- One capture place, always the same one.
- Every intention get cue, no be hope.
- Physical things go for physical road.
- Same place for key, phone, wallet, every single time, even when you dey rush. Especially then.
- When person tell you important thing, write am for their front. This no be rudeness. E dey talk say you dey take am serious.
When people take am personal
Birthday wey you forget, promise wey you forget, errand wey you forget — dem dey read as "you no care about me", and to talk say "I forget" dey sound like excuse because na the same thing people dey talk when dem truly no care.
Two things dey help. Talk am before, no be after: "I dey write this one down now, because if I no write am, e go go." And repair am with system, no be with apology — dem go forget the apology next week, but the alarm no go forget.
Separate guide dey for how to hold that conversation, and tool dey wey go draft the words for you.